Thursday, 3 March 2011

Connection Problems

Get ready to be nearly-interested.

At some point last night I made a mistake SO STUPID that I can hardly believe it happened.

I sent a text ABOUT a person TO that very person.

Then I freaked out and hid my phone under a thing.

Now, as I type, I still haven't looked at my phone. This might seem strange, to those of you who are socially-capable, but in my life it is how we deal with things.

In my current life, there is a boy. Let's call him Fringe. I will let you guess why we're calling him that, although I would hope it was quite obvious. I know him from university, but he lives quite far away. London, in fact.
The ridiculous thing about my relationship with Fringe is that, since we left university, he has made it quite clear that he likes me. This would be fine, were it not for the fact that he had two years of communal living to let me know.

Boys are like that. They won't express their feelings until it is most inconvenient.
  
In his defence, since he's told me that he likes me, I have been quite stubborn. I don't really want a boyfriend, especially after that last disaster (with Idiot). But at the same time, I don't want Fringe to go out with anyone else. He is allowed to have a life and stuff, but he is not allowed to go and fall in love with anyone. That seems quite reasonable to me.

Recently, however, he has been demonstrating far too much free will and has decided to start seeing people. His first date with a new person was last week. I was not happy. You cannot claim to like someone, and then run off with someone else. Would Jack from Titanic do that? NO HE WOULD NOT.

I've been a bit mean to him since then, although I doubt that he has even noticed. This is another thing that boys do. They ignore the tone of a conversation, and carry on regardless.

Today, I was discussing all of the above with a mutual friend via text message. All was going well. What happened, though, was that - at one point - I decided to go down the 'New Message' route instead of going through the usual 'Reply' procedure. This meant that I had to select the person to whom I was sending the message. BIG MISTAKE.

I wrote this message, or something similar. I can't check, you see, because I am avoiding my phone.

I KNOW! MY ACTUAL GOD. I WOULD HAVE GONE OUT WITH HIM IF HE'D HAVE ASKED PROPERLY, HE'S BEING SUCH A DICK.


I then sent that message to Fringe.


Two things are making me not want to read his reply.

1. He knows that it is a lie - he has definitely asked me out, and I have definitely said no. He will probably bring this up.

2. He is going to know that I am bothered by his current love life, and assume that it is because I am into him.


Just to clarify, I don't want him to be my boyfriend. But I would like him to carry on trying because one day I might change my mind.


I AM SO SELFISH.
I hope he never reads this. It would be terrible if he knew what I was actually like.

x