Wednesday, 11 January 2012

It's Not You, It's Me

I imagine that, by now, you’ve all read my last thing. If you haven’t, I wouldn’t bother. Depressing is not the word.

I thought I’d better explain it a bit. I wasn’t going to, because I thought it was fine to just write about it and then go back to being miserable and broken-hearted all by myself. However, it seems that people are actually interested, so here we are again.

I don’t want to talk about the relationship, because that’s too sad. And I don’t want to talk about how long it lasted, because it wasn’t long enough. In fact, I don’t particularly want to go into any detail at all, but I can at least tell you why it ended.

*sighs dramatically*

He ‘isn’t ready ’. His ‘head is all messed up after his last relationship’. He ‘doesn’t want to hurt me’. BASICALLY, ‘IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME’.

*screams forever*

Aside from being disgustingly upset, which I think we all gathered from the last thing I wrote, I am angrier than I think I’ve ever been. I'm angry with him, I'm angry with myself, I'm angry with EVERYONE ELSE.

We all know what ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ means. It means, ‘I’m not ready for a relationship WITH YOU’. If you didn’t know that, I’m sorry, but it’s true and you need to be prepared.

If you are of the Crazy Bitch persuasion, as I am, you will come across this phrase once or twice a year. Probably.

Now, I don’t know how your Crazy Bitchiness manifests itself, but mine isn’t particularly unusual. I test people, I deliberately cause arguments, and I can switch from cute-and-cuddly to fire-breathing-bitch-face in a matter of moments. Usually for NO REAL REASON.

The thing is, though, there’s only so far you can push someone before they either push back or walk away.

And that’s what happened. I was mental for the duration of our relationship and he realised what he was getting himself into.

What a load of wank.

x