The other day, Vanessa of Nightmares & Boners posted Ten Stupid Things I’ve Done To Try And Get Someone To Go Out With Me. I thought it was delightful.
So, in the interest of cheering myself up a bit, here are the Ten Stupid Things that I've done to try and get someone to go out with me.
*pause for effect*
10. Pretended I had a more exotic surname.
9. Dyed my hair dark brown, because the object of my affections had once vaguely referred to a celebrity he fancied and she just happened to be a brunette.
8. Read a book about Samurai Swords.
7. Watched the Saw films. Or tried to. There was a thing involving an eyeball and a spoon that nearly made me pass out. I had to admit defeat at that point.
6. Bought a leather jacket and developed an attitude problem, because I noticed that the object of my affections was listening to The Distillers.
5. Pretended to be four years older than I was.
4. Did a Psychology degree.
3. Spent three days eating basically nothing so that I would look thinner when the object of my affections came to see me. Two hours after he arrived, I fainted quite dramatically and chipped one of my front teeth.
2. Pretended I had met someone else to provoke furious jealousy.
1. Pretended that I liked salmon, so as to appear more sophisticated and worldly. As it turns out, you cannot force yourself to swallow something that you find so repellent - especially without chewing it - because of a little thing called a gag reflex. Who knew?