Thursday, 1 March 2012

Men Who Are Dogs

I am quickly losing patience with my own poor judgement when it comes to men.

We all remember that date that I had last week. Personally, I thought it was a bit soon after the ridiculous (mostly self-induced) trauma of my last foray into romance, but everyone else seemed to be quite sure that it was a Good Idea.

It went well, as we know. He told me a story about a dead pet and I basically fell in love with him. He was a bit dull, and had never watched Are You Being Served?, but I liked him regardless. That’s what I do, you see. I either dislike someone intensely or adore them immediately.

Anyway, we’d been in almost constant contact since the date, and he’d been to see me a couple of times (if you follow me on twitter, you are aware that this is because I legitimately can’t afford to leave the flat). I'm aware that I'm probably skipping over some interesting information here, but aside from one or two questionable comments from him, everything had just been rather nice.

Cut to last night.

Foolishly, I had never checked his facebook account. I realise that this is a first step for most people when embarking on a new relationship, but I just have no patience for it. If you don’t have twitter or a blog, I'm just not bothered. My friends were VERY bothered though, so I eventually relented and told them his surname.

Well.

Basically, he has a girlfriend.

In a skype meeting that will probably go down in history, I was informed in no uncertain terms that the boy in question was listed as ‘In A Relationship’. It was a big moment. There were gasps.

One of two things had happened. Either I had unknowingly entered into a relationship with him, or he was already in a relationship with someone else.

So I sent him a text:

I AM WELL AWARE THAT IT’S 3AM, BUT WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME WHY YOUR FACEBOOK PROFILE SAYS THAT YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

And he said:

LET’S TALK ABOUT IT TOMORROW XX

He waited for me outside my lecture today, and apologised for not telling me earlier. His girlfriend is, apparently (AND I QUOTE) “boring and normal”, and they’re going through a (QUOTING AGAIN) “dry patch”.

I stopped short of pointing out that he too was quite boring and tried not to take offence regarding the implication that I was in some way abnormal, and merely informed him that I would not be used in such a manner.

I won’t be seeing him again.

x