Wednesday, 20 March 2013

You Haven't Changed

I was supposed to see Idiot this weekend.

For the first time in three years.

It didn't happen.

When he got in touch in November, I was reluctant to speak to him. But, like I've said before, one of my biggest problems with our break-up was that I had no way of knowing how he was doing. He deleted me from his life and I deleted him from mine. He didn't even have facebook, for crying out loud, thanks to the dangers involved in leading a double life. So, presented with the opportunity to ascertain that he hadn't died of something horrible, I let him back in.

He told lie upon lie during the two years we spent together. He lied about his family, his friends, his ex-girlfriend, the fact that she wasn’t actually an ex and – OH YES – his child. He even lied about his name, but that is probably a blog post all of its own.

Hindsight is all well and good, BUT I WAS IN LOVE.

After AGES of being back in touch, we arranged a date for the weekend just gone. I'd been reluctant to agree to it previously, due to an overwhelming fear that I'd do something stupid like fall back in love with him or marry him or something, but as I'm busy being all unrequited in the direction of someone else*, I thought now was as good a time as any.

But he, it turned out, couldn't make it.

Before we go into specifics, I feel that I should point out that this ridiculous failure boils down to the fact that, while I have grown and matured as a human being – and also, in some ways, regressed – he has stayed exactly the same as he always was.

The lying, which we have covered, was never exclusive to the big stuff. While I know that things wouldn’t have been better if it was, it's somehow more annoying when people lie about things that DON'T MATTER. (And also when they pretend that 'omitting information' is not the same as lying. Again, another blog post.)

Like with this date.

The day and time he'd suggested two weeks in advance just happened to coincide with a work thing that he had to do. Had he been a well-adjusted human being, he would have let me know and we could have rearranged.

But that would have been too easy.

He chose, instead, to act as though the date was to go ahead, despite knowing full well that it wasn't. Even on the day. Only when I said...

I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME
WE'RE MEETING THIS AFTERNOON :)

... did he admit that, actually, he was in PLYMOUTH and would be there for some time.

That's quite weird, isn't it? As a thing to lie about.

Here is an actual quote from a text he sent at lunchtime on the day we were supposed to meet:
BEEN TOO SCARED TO TEXT YOU AND TELL
YOU I MIGHT BE LATE/MIGHT NOT MAKE IT.

BOLLOCKS. LATE?! YOU'RE SIX HOURS AWAY. YOU'RE NOT ARRIVING LATE, YOU'RE ARRIVING TOMORROW.

Don't feel as though you have to point out how minor this is as an issue. I am well aware that I could be seen to have overreacted slightly when I subsequently told him to leave me alone.

But as far as I'm concerned, he had his chance to be an actual person and build a bridge and he pulled the same crap he always did. That he can't even be honest and straightforward about something as basic as this is simply testament to the fact that I have dodged a bullet.

x

(*In the end, I went to see Doughnut instead. You remember him. I've said several times that I’ll never ever see him again, and yet here we are. Whatever. We all have our vices. He's quite a good one.)