Friday, 13 December 2013

Superstition IS The Way

I'm going to jump straight into this and tell you that, owing to the fact that Friday 13th has taken me by surprise, we're about to discuss how superstition matters and how Bad Luck is a real thing that exists if you don't adhere to the rules of the aforementioned superstition.

SUPERSTITION MATTERS AND BAD LUCK IS A REAL THING THAT EXISTS IF YOU DON'T ADHERE TO THE RULES OF THE AFOREMENTIONED SUPERSTITION.

I am about to present you with some irrefutable proof.

I have a sweatshirt that I must never touch. It's hideous and I think I might be the only person in the world who likes how it looks, but that is not the problem. The real reason that I don't wear it is that it has been horribly cursed at some point in its existence.

How or why remains, to this day, a mystery.

Every single time I wear this garment, a terrible thing happens in my life.

I began to realise this at Wear #4 but, as you will see in a moment, I CONTINUED TO WEAR IT REGARDLESS.

Here is an abbreviated summary of my relationship with this sweatshirt:

Wear #1: Got stranded in Salford for three hours, broke my phone, lost £20 to the wind, accidentally ate a bit of mushroom.
Wear #2: Went to the hairdressers, was overtaken by some kind of spirit who made me ask for a pixie cut.
Wear #3: Fell down some stairs in a dramatic and public fashion.
Wear #4: Set off for work, got hit by a car on the way in, went home.
Wear #5: Set off for work, almost drowned when a bus drove through a puddle, went home to get changed, two hours late.
Wear #6: Attacked by a cat.
Wear #7: Baby sick.
Wear #8: Food poisoning.
Wear #9: Arrived at work, realised that bad things were starting to happen (I broke a mug, my login failed), requested permission to go home and change, request approved due to the above evidence.

And so, following this, the active avoidance of this item of clothing was added to my list of rules that includes not walking under ladders and never crossing anyone on the stairs.

I honestly don't know how you could argue against the necessity of superstition for human survival given everything I have just said, but apparently some people are willing to try.

x