Friday, 21 February 2014

Big Fish Can Fuck Off, and other tales.

I haven't done a blog post in a while. Since we last spoke, Hayley Cropper has died, the apocalypse has started and I am currently taking a break from life by hiding in a house that has cats and relying on them to stop me from stabbing myself in the throat. Due to admin problems, my career still hasn't taken off and I spend most of my days weeping about being an awful failure. So aside from the fact that I'm not at home, I really have no excuse for such a long break. Apologies.

Anyway.

Last night I watched Big Fish with two people who, while not entirely sane, are more aptly adjusted than myself. OR SO I THOUGHT.

At the end credits, I turned to my companions and found them both BAWLING THEIR LITTLE EYES OUT at what I thought was, essentially, an okay film with an almost sad ending. Somebody died, but it was fine.

SOMEHOW, having had no emotional reaction whatsoever, I got accused of being dead inside and of also having no connection to any people ever.

I am still put out by this, let me tell you, because even when it's a joke I feel that I must protest it most strongly.

Because it's not exactly unusual for people (read: men) to indicate in no uncertain terms that I am 'cold' and 'heartless'.

I would like to take this opportunity to publicly say that this is not true. If I'm cold, it's probably because you are awful. Although I may hate a great many people, I like a lot of them too. And I am very emotional. Bordering on insane.

(EDIT: That may become apparent in the next part. For those who find it difficult to read ranty caps lock, good luck.)

Think of all the films that I am not allowed to watch anymore, for fear they will push me over the quickly-approaching edge. THE GREEN MILE. SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD. OF MICE AND MEN. EDWARD SCISSORHANDS. MEN IN BLACK 3.

(I couldn't name a single one of those last night when it would have redeemed me in the crying eyes of people who didn't find Big Fish a bit flat, but there we go.)

And I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but I took my little sister to watch BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA in the cinema and we had to wait ten minutes after the lights had gone up because I couldn't compose myself enough to leave the building.

I have cried in response to the theme song of JURASSIC PARK.

I have had to ask people to stop talking about TOY STORY 3.

The first time I watched MEGAMIND and he asked the question "Did you look back?" I REWOUND THE DVD TO SEE IF SHE WAS LYING BECAUSE I WAS SO UPSET THAT SHE SAID NO.

And then there's television.
THE EPISODE OF EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND WHERE PUMPERNICKEL THE HAMSTER DIED.
EVERY EPISODE OF PAUL O'GRADY'S ANIMAL THING.
WHEN MARSHALL'S DAD DIED IN HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.
WHEN DOYLE TOLD CORDELIA HE LOVED HER AND THEN DIED.
WHEN ANN PERKINS LEFT FOR HER NEW LIFE WITHOUT LESLIE KNOPE.
WHEN HAYLEY CROPPER KILLED HERSELF, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

In short, I am always crying at the television and at films. Big Fish just wasn't that good or sad.

But watch it if you haven't, it's alright.

x