A Glossary... of sorts.

I suppose the point of this is to make things easier if you're new or merely losing track of the men who have scorned me. Apparently and inexplicably, people are still reading this blog and fielding comments is a pain in the neck. So here.

These are our main characters. Minor ones don't need to be here for now. I'm very busy.

Each heading links to all related posts, blah blah blah.

Work in progress.


The reason this blog even exists.

Idiot was eight years older than me and we met at a time when I was beginning to wonder if I would ever have a relationship that lasted longer than three weeks. He was everything that you would imagine you'd want from your first long-term boyfriend, except that he was basically leading a double life. The ending was long, drawn-out and excruciatingly painful and then he disappeared for two and a half years.

Not too long ago, upon his return, we found out that I'm never going to forgive him.

Stretch was twelve years older than me.

We fell in love and then he decided he didn't want a girlfriend because he'd rather sleep with an unattractive artist from Leeds or somewhere. She was, and probably remains, particularly abhorrent and I question his judgement.


Beard was always a bad idea.

Right from the beginning of our courtship I received warning messages about him lying and cheating.
WARNING MESSAGES. From more than one girl. As it turns out, he was as awful as they said he'd be. And that's a huge shame really, because he was alright otherwise. But I have absolutely learned to spot his type from a mile off.

He's settled down now apparently. I have literally no feelings in either direction when it comes to this.

This one STILL isn't a good idea.

I believe I coined the phrase "it would be quicker to grow a boyfriend" in relation to this guy.

Full of commitment issues and victim of a wicked curse that means he has to live in a tower for ten years or something.

Things drifted between hellish and lovely, but it ultimately ended because some issues are too deep-rooted to deal with. Also because I don't necessarily believe that friendships or relationships should require you to change who you are. As a general rule, if only one or two people have a problem with you and everyone else thinks you're great, maybe don't blame yourself.

Least said, soonest mended.

One of the few times that I have not come out of a relationship being the worst off. Sadly and shamefully, this was just a stop-gap while I tried and failed to get over Doughnut.

It ended really badly and the whole of Scotland came to his defence. His charming siblings have informed me that I will be set ablaze am I ever to enter Glasgow again.